What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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