Need sex. Gaining weight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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