My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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