you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
