Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
