Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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