Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
did i just pee glitter
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
