I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
