Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
