Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize