sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
