Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
