he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
