I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
