is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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