last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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