Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
