who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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