He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
