But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
