Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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