things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When did angry sex become our thing?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
