Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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