worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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