i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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