That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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