Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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