lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize