Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
