he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
