Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
