I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
