i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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