I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
