he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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