then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
