Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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