"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
