this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
