Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
