Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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