My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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