i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
