It's Friday. Sex?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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