What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my being single is dangerous.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
