The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
