she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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