I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
