i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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