Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
