Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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