I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
not ubering you a puppy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
