At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
