one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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