i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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