Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
