i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
