Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
