wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Two words: blizzard sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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