found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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