Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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