woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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