omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
